I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
