he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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