i permit you to call me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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