the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
