It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
