Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
