Acid is not a monday night drug
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
