Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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