I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this boner is exhausting
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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