1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
