I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
