i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
