imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
