I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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