i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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