The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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