Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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