11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
