you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
