So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
