Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize