Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
