her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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