it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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