I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
