Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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