hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
