Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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