Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
