I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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