Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
