I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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