i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
