He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
