I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
