8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
