It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
