i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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