Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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