man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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