First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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