you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
