Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
