College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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