that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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