Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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