omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
