I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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