I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
