i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
