I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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