What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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