One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
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im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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