I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
