How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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