she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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