Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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