..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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