it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
