i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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