I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
