I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
