make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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