and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
