Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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