M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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