Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
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I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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