She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
