Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
