dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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