I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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