There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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