Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
